Scott Adams asks whether there are any benefit to low self-esteem.
As someone with low self-esteem, there is a benefit I have noticed: I'm quite often delighted, and very rarely disappointed.
I try to do something and I fuck up: no surprise there.
I try to so something and succeed: what an awesome surprise!I can't believe that worked!
I shop in a fashionable store and am treated rudely: no surprise there
I shop in a fashionable store and receive good service: I can't believe how nice they were to me!
I invite a friend to do something and they decline: no biggie, I'm sure they have more important things to do.
I invite a friend to do something and they accept: I feel so lucky to have friends I can go do things with!!
I'm introduced to a puppy or a baby or some other small adorable interesting creature and they don't like me: I don't blame them, I'm just a big weird stranger
I'm introduced to a puppy or a baby or some other small adorable interesting creature and they like me: My day is made!! Hell, my week is made!!!
At this point you might be thinking "But you've been successful at quite a surprising number of things over the course of your life. Doesn't that lead to you start expecting success at some point?" Yes, it does. But, because I have low self-esteem, when that success is followed by failure, I just assume "Meh, I was due for it. That's what happens when you get cocky. The other shoe had to drop eventually." And, until then, I'm walking around with a smile on my face and dancing when no one is watching at the shocking quantity of good fortune I'm enjoying.
As I read this over, I realize it sounds like one of those gratitude or optimism approaches to life that people write self-help books about, so I want to emphasize: this is not at all deliberate or mindful in any way. Unlike what Scott Adams suggests, this isn't a strategy. It's simply where my emotions land naturally. But it's certainly not without its benefits.
4 comments:
Is this really low self esteem, or is it pessimism?
Far it be it from me to tell you what your own self-esteem looks like, but this reads like "expecting the worst" or "expecting bad things to happen" (i.e. pessimism) as opposed to "I am inept" or variations on that theme.
It's low self-esteem when it's about me (including my abilities, the impression I make on people, etc.) and pessimism when it's about circumstances.
Assuming that the widget I buy is going to break is pessimism. Assuming that my attempt to repair it will fail is low self-esteem.
Assuming I'll get Alzheimer's is pessimism. Assuming I'll be alone when I get Alzheimer's because I'm not good at making people like me is low self-esteem.
I see. But you have some optimism about the possible benefits of pessimism. :)
Yeah, it's totally going to come back and bite me in the ass someday.
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