1. People who talk about marriage as though it's something a person can do unilaterally should be forced to marry the last person they dumped. If they haven't dumped anyone, they should be forced to marry the last person they rejected, even if it's that homeless guy who shouts crude suggestions at everybody.
2. Everyone who says "can't you take a joke?" is deducted one good laugh from their life for every time they utter that phrase.
3. People who disparage others' preferences with "it's only a phase" are banned from indulging their own equivalent preferences until the alleged phase is over. For example, someone who says that your being childfree is only a phase is banned from having children until you do (or, if they already have children, they're banned from having grandchildren). Someone who says that my being vegetarian is only a phase is banned from eating meat until I do. Someone who disparages their kid's taste in music is prohibited from listening to their own favourite music until their kid's taste changes.
4. People who state as a given that something exists without providing a suitable concrete example are banned from using their equivalent of the something until their interlocutor gets the promised something. For example, someone who says "There must be plenty of jobs for someone with your skill set" (or even someone who says "Just get a job" as though you can just get a job) is banned from enjoying the financial and social benefits of having job until their interlocutor finds a job. Someone who says of their friend's relationship "You can do better" is banned from having any sort of sexual or romantic relationship until someone enters their friend's life who is better (by the friend's definition) and is interested in a relationship with the friend. The people who criticized It Gets Betters that advised moving to the city are required to live with all the hell of adolescence until the it gets better for the rural kid who's reading It Gets Better.
5. Adults who refer to kids as "little" when the kid doesn't want to be referred to that way are to be treated with exactly as much respect as they have for the child in question for the next 24 hours. (This was inspired by a relative who referred to her children's friends as "their little friends" even when the friends in question were all in their teens.)
5 comments:
OMFG if only if only if only.
People say being a vegetarian is a phase???? Oh FFS. What is wrong with these people. Maybe being idiots is only a phase with them, although I wouldn't count on that.
I've been vegetarian for 18 years. There are people who still think it's a phase.
Meanwhile, my wanting children was in fact just a phase that I outgrew in my mid-teens.
I know I've said this before, but... that has been the single best thing about getting older. I've aged out of "When are you going to have kids" questions.
So these "phase" people, who are they in your life? Family, or acquaintances or co-workers? Surely not friends.
Mostly grownup relatives (i.e. people to whom I am a child). So this will eventually end when they all die out.
Which means that they're just a phase.
Ha, good one. They are people with small imaginations. They can't imagine choices other than the ones they made - or other paths, because maybe they didn't even make choices, just did what they were programmed to do.
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