I've noticed an awful lot of people like to make sweeping declarative statements about which childcare choices are good or bad. But one thing I've noticed from watching my peers who become parents is that, in addition to the dictates of circumstance, so much depends on the personalities of the people involved. Some kids are ecstatic about going to daycare. Some (like me when I was little) would absolutely wither if forced to spend their days in a large group. Some parents find it fascinating to watch their kids every single moment of the day. Some find it outright dull, and do better once the kids are old enough to have an actual conversation.
So here's a series of analogies:
Is it a good idea to go to grad school?
Is it a good idea drink milk?
Is it a good idea to live with roommates?
Is it a good idea to retire at 65?
The answer to all of these questions is "It depends." It depends on your personality, and the personalities of the other parties involved. It depends on your financial and career situation. It depends on your state of health. It depends on your personal values. It depends on the current economic context.
The same goes for childcare decisions. And it really disturbs me that so many people who think their choice is right for everyone are going around having kids.
2 comments:
I agree completely, but I think this is often the most missed perspective: that the dominant mode is not necessarily best for all. It applies to all life decisions, large and small.
And it really disturbs me that so many people who think their choice is right for everyone are going around having kids.
Most people have kids. I think the rest is incidental.
But I agree. It's ridiculous, as if how one raises one's kids could be a one-size-fits-all prospect.
Actually, now that I think about every single parenting mistake my own parents made was from thinking that parenting is a one-size-fits-all prospect. They read an article or something and get the idea that Good Parents Do X, or that Children Need Y, and then go around doing that without thought to our own actual needs as individuals.
They didn't always do that, but when they did it a) fucked me up, b) ruined their credibility in my eyes, and c) made me feel less safe because I never knew when I'd get a lecture or rule change because of something they read or some conversation they had with another parent.
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