I have been exercising Entitlement more, with a major help from increased job responsibilities that make it far more necessary, because I'm currently the only one in a position to do the stuff I have to do, and if I don't do it then the end product to client suffers. I still fail at it about half a dozen times a day, but it's starting to become something of a reflex.
The problem is that a few times recently I've overdone it, and I can't tell why. The only reason I can tell that I've overdone it is my interlocutor has been kind of WTFish and rather trying to discourage me from pursuing my line of inquiry or my request for adaptation. But I have literally no clue what makes these particular inquiries get a negative reaction. As far as I can tell, they are perfectly equivalent to my other, acceptable inquiries.
I know it's very common to overshoot when learning a new skill. In translation training, we call it the pendulum - you swing too far one way, then you swing too far the other way, and eventually you find equilibrium. But in this case the problem is my Entitlement threshold hasn't evolved along with my Entitlement reflex. On a scale of 1-100, the level of Entitlement that triggers my "Shh, you're overdoing it!" feelings has always been and continues to be down around a 25. The ideal level of Entitlement for functioning in the world is in the 40-60 range, and I seem to have on occasion roamed closer to 65 or 70. But my sensors are still calibrated for 25, so I really can't tell where I am at all, and I don't know how to recalibrate.
I think another part of the problem is this is a skill I should already have, and people expect someone my age to have a fully-formed set of interpersonal skills (especially since I tend to travel in contexts that skew somewhat older). So a misfire isn't seen by my interlocutors as a simple misfire in part of a broader learning arc, it's seen as poor interpersonal skills in a person who should know better. But it's not like I can exactly go around telling everyone what I'm working on here - even if nothing else, it's self-absorbed and boring!* So I've also got the disadvantage that I'm not predictable to other people. People are probably expecting a constant level of Entitlement, not one that wildly swings back and forth.
Just today in Judith Timson's column, I read:
As a friend who often gives advice to grads says, “I tell my own son that when you’re in your 20s you can ask anyone anything and they will answer. Not so much if you’re 30. So he’s got the better part of a decade to find out what he needs to know.”
I think that's what I'm running up against here. I'm nearly 30, and the roles in which I'm exercising Entitlement tend to be older than that. But I only just learned a few months ago that you actually can and probably should ask anyone anything, so now I'm frantically trying to catch up.
*Eddie Izzard always comes up with quick and clever ways to tell people in one or two soundbites what he's trying to do and get them onside. (e.g.: "total clothing rights") What would Eddie do?
4 comments:
Thinking selfishly, I wonder if starting a new career in my early 50s will lead to this kind of thing.
Thinking less selfishly, I admire you for working on this thing that's not comfortable for you.
In my own experience as a now-experienced younger worker in a profession that's often a second career, a newbie of any age not knowing professional stuff by virtue of them being a newbie isn't a problem. No one expects a 45-year-old new recruit to work like a 20-year veteran. I assume they have basic adult social and life skills (just like they probably assume I have basic adult social and life skills) but if they translate like a novice, that's expected.
The only annoyance is when they either act like or get treated like they have seniority, when I in fact have seniority. We don't have an official seniority system, but there's a unofficial etiquette - people with seniority get dibs on vacation time and choice of cubicle, etc. - and it annoys me when older newbies (and it's only ever older newbies) disregard it. But if they don't translate as well or have a lot of questions about translation, that's not a problem at all.
If they respect my seniority and experience while giving me leeway for my youth, I'll respect them as an elder while giving them leeway for their inexperience.
Cool. Thanks.
I can see how an older newbie assuming privilege based on age would be highly annoying. I have to make sure not to be one of those people.
I just want to clarify in case this post is read by anyone who might see themselves in it: the vast majority of older newbies I've had none of these problems with, and in fact no problems whatsoever. It's just a problem that has only ever happened with older newbies, and when I try to think of problems surrounding older newbies that's what comes to mind.
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